


H is for Home

by goodmorningvietnam666



Series: IronHawk Alphabet [8]
Category: Guardians of the Galaxy - All Media Types, Hawkeye (Comics), Iron Man - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Best Friends, Falling out, Leaving, Loss, M/M, Unrequited Love, change
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-28
Updated: 2015-03-28
Packaged: 2018-03-19 21:07:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,122
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3624297
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goodmorningvietnam666/pseuds/goodmorningvietnam666
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He knows he's losing Tony, he's just not sure how to get him back...</p><p>What will he do without him?</p>
            </blockquote>





	H is for Home

**Author's Note:**

> This fiction actually has a longer title, but to stick with the one word prompt tradition, it was transformed into one word and so, just for general trivia - the long title was H is for Home and Heartbreak.

When he thinks back on it, he knows he noticed it the first time. 

When Tony Stark first introduced the Avengers to the Guardians of the Galaxy, Clint remembers seeing a light in his friend’s eyes he had not seen in a while; he remembers feeling sad, but not being able to place why that was. 

Later that same day, when Tony tells him about space, about all of the facts, and finally admits how scared he is, Clint now knows that he should have been a bad friend and forced him to stay… instead, he stands with the others, ignoring the way Steve was clenching his jaw beside him, and waves goodbye with a smile on his face: he knows a break like this will be good for Tony. 

Life carries on and Clint feels a growing emptiness at Tony’s absence, as though part of him is hollowed out somehow. He misses the genius’s laugh, and finds himself wishing he could tell jokes he’s told a thousand times before to the man who will laugh at them. At lonelier times, he waits with his phone clenched tightly in his hand – hoping somehow the genius who he calls friend will find a way to contact him…

He doesn’t.

Tony returns after months and when he greets Clint he knows he holds on a little too long and grips his friend a little too hard but doesn’t care – he never wants to let go again.

He still doesn’t understand why he lets Tony go with the Guardians again. 

The second time Tony leaves is only easier because his friend leaves him with a busted up old communicator; it does very little to soothe the aching wound in his heart. When he talks to Tony he sees a light in his eyes, the spark he always used to see when they’d talk, and the weariness is gone from him, lifted as if by some spell. Clint sees merriment when he talks with Tony but he also sees the way he grins back at Peter Quill and the Guardians when they call to him, encourage him to come back into their carefree world and Clint knows his heart is breaking, knows he’s losing the man he loves to people he could never hope to match, but can’t bring himself to take that wonderful smile from Tony’s face.

He suffers in silence instead. 

Tony returns again and Clint sees it in his eyes – this may be the last time he does this – he will discover that the company will run without him, and that the world can survive without Tony Stark on the front page of every magazine. 

He doesn’t talk to the Guardians when they hang back from the Avengers, but he’s convinced he should shake their hands and congratulate them – they’ve taken his home from beneath his feet and run with it – because he’s not blind: he knows where Tony is happier, sees it in his eyes when he tells Clint all about space and the Guardians and he knows he’s losing his friend now, knows he’s losing his grip on Tony and it’s happening so quickly he’s not sure what to do anymore.

Tony leaves again, but this time Clint is the only person he says goodbye to: the other Avengers lost him long ago. Before he leaves he gives Clint a new quiver of arrows that are completely purple: quiver, fletching, tip and shaft and he nearly cries right there and then but manages a smile for Tony because he’s finally and hugs him tightly, wishing it didn’t feel like he was sentencing their friendship to death. He wants to beg him to stay, but best friends do not ruin their other half’s happiness. 

He sits the quiver of arrows down with more care than he knew he had and does not touch them, instead he waits by the busted up communicator every night but received no call, he doesn’t fire a single arrow from that quiver. 

Two years pass and Clint is pulling away from the Avengers too, he can feel it and doesn’t know how to stop it; he sits outside of one meeting, fighting tears and missing when Tony would sit beside him, ranting about how wrong the team was. He had yelled at them all, his throat was still raw and the words he’d screamed still rattled around in his head: _My home, my team, left with the Guardians two years ago!!_

Tony returned on the third year and Clint kisses him when they are reunited – shocking the both of them. They do not talk about while he was home; Clint felt happiness for the first time in a long time, he smiles so much his cheeks ache in the best way. 

Them Tony leaves again. 

It’s a familiar sight now, but this time he realises that whatever time they had left was quickly running out – he wasn’t his best friend’s support beam or anchor… he wasn’t even sue if the genius knew who he was talking to anymore – he’s lost him, Clint knows this, he’s finally let him slip away. 

He fired on of Tony’s arrows on a mission – just one. 

He spends hours searching through rubble for it, and spends more cleaning it.

He was lonely, missed the genius he called friend, missed smiling and laughing and late night pizza and pointless movie marathons and the joking around… he no longer lives in his apartment, it is too empty now, instead he lives in Tony’s New York mansion, hoping that it will somehow fill the hole in his heart. 

Sometimes, he sleeps in Tony’s bed, breathing in the scent of him… others; he spends the night mourning the loss of his best friend.

Five long years pass and when Tony finally comes back to Earth Clint can barely muster a smile, can’t force himself to laugh at the playful ‘long time no see’ his friend utters. 

He was looking at a stranger.

Gone was the memory he had of Tony – the witty, heartfelt man who had had late night conversations about nothing and everything, gone was the comforts after panic attacks… In his Tony’s place was someone carefree, happy, someone with no fear or responsibilities – no fame or fortune to hold him back from being himself.

This Tony – Clint realised – was the Tony he had always wanted to see. 

Clint wasn’t blind – Tony was happy – and Clint tried hard to be happy for him. 

But he had lost his home… he couldn’t be happy. 

Seven years had passed – Tony was long gone from his life. 

He refused to fire another arrow from his bow ever again. 

What was the point if no witty quip would follow?

**Author's Note:**

> Now, I tried to write in present tense but I'm not quite sure if it worked, let me know if you see anything glaringly obvious!
> 
> Thanks for reading!


End file.
